Archives for November 2019

When they say in labor nothing goes as planned…it is absolutely true! While I knew all the possibilities of labor and I was ready to accept any outcome, I wasn’t ready for happened afterward. As I talked about in my childbirth story, after labor my baby girl had respiratory problems. Because she had a difficult time breathing from infection and swallowing amniotic fluid, they had to admit her to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) for 10 days. These were the longest days of my life. I was ready for my baby to come home and when she didn’t I was disappointed and heartbroken. The experience of going home without a baby made me feel like I wasn’t a new mom. And throughout that first week, I kept feeling I was missing out on her first week of life. So when people reached out to ask how we were, we would then find out they too had their baby in the NICU. Apparently it was more common and no one mentions it. And since no one talks about it, there was no real advice on how to cope with the situation. Now after my experience, I’m trying to share our experience and how we manage to make the situation easier on us. So here are our ways to cope with having your newborn in the NICU.

Get Into a Routine – Just because your baby isn’t at home with you doesn’t mean you don’t have responsibilities. Find a routine of pumping or feeding, visits the baby at the hospital, and getting sleep. This routine will keep you occupied. My baby couldn’t breastfeed as it may have inferred with the IV in the belly button. Therefore I had a schedule to pump, take the milk, feed her, and stay with her till she fell back to sleep. Then go home again, eat and repeat.

Communicate Daily– Communicate with the nurses often to feel that you are still part of her life. Ask them any updates on the health, the feeding times, or how she slept. Even ask them if they found ways to calmed her down or other minor quirks your baby has. This way you’ll have an easier transition when she gets home. Also, ask them for advice or tips. They are experts in taking care of newborns, so take advantage of their knowledge.

Release the Guilt – Try to remember that nothing you could have done to prevent her from being in there. Like I heard the doctor tell a parent whose baby was in the NICU, “it’s like when someone crashes into you, it comes unexpected and no way to prevent it.” Hearing this made me stop trying to rationalize it. I also felt guilty at the beginning that I wasn’t spending enough time there or that I was there too long and bothering the nurses. I eventually realize there is no right way to handle the situation. You do whatever makes you feel comfortable. As even the nurses told me that everyone copes with it differently.

Celebrate The Coming Home – As I was disappointed when she didn’t come home after I was discharged from the hospital, we chose to celebrate when she came home from the NICU. We bought a cake and flowers and popped champagne (first sip after pregnancy). This gave us something to look forward to during those 10 days.